Firstly, lets start with dinner. I have rarely found anything in a packet that I couldn’t cook better. It’s not that I have tickets on myself-it’s elementary. Stuff in a packet is usually made with an eye on maximum profit which means cheap produce, fillers etc. Then I was given some samples of Jocleyn’s new range of meals. The partner was away, so it seemed like the perfect time to taste test with one of the fiercest critics I know; one who boasts both a surprisingly sophisticated palate and the ability to articulate what he doesn’t like about something. (He’s far less articulate when he has his mouth full of something he likes).-My 13 year old.
We started with Cinnamon Scented Lamb & Parsley. It’s cryovaced and you just gently simmer it. I served it with some quinoa and it was falling apart tender (obviously cooked long and slow) and packed with flavour, the cinnamon just a gentle background note. It was better than something I would make at home and surprisingly good value ($19.50?)-enough for the two of us with an extra portion for lunch the next day. We also road tested an excellent coq au vin and a mac n cheese (which sells as a side). These meals are cheaper than a takeaway for three and free from the junk food ‘hangover’. For less than $20 well worth it.

Jocelyn’s Artisan Range

Now onto dessert. I’ve been a fan of Pepe Saya butter for a long time, so when Michael Dalton of Fino Foods mentioned in a conversation about something else entirely that ‘Pepe Saya’ had started with desserts with Merena Taouk, who is still the driving force behind Homemade Fine Foods, I was intrigued. And look at this ingredients list. How often do you see something as pure as that on a packet product

They come frozen in tin foil containers you just stick in the oven and I can say hand on heart that the sticky date pud was the best version I’ve ever had. (And partner now has it on his rather repetitive food wish list) Sticky date pudding is not something I’d order out nor really cook at home, it’s too sweet and sickly and leaves me feeling a bit queasy usually but this one was light, chunky with dates and with a perfectly balanced ratio of sweet, not at all cloying.
We also tried the crumbles; an apple and a berry which were equally good, with a crumble top I can never manage to do that well. I was too scared to look at any calorific content, but with Pepe Saya butter in all of them, I expect they’re far from low-cal.

There’s also a bread and butter pudding using Pepe’s butter and cream that I haven’t tried yet.
It’s nice to have the opportunity sometimes to have something bought in, but I do it so rarely because I pick up a packet, read the back (thickeners and e numbers and preservatives etc) and can’t bring myself to buy them. But all of these I’d be happy to serve up to dinner guests and claim as my own.

The Jocelyn’s meals can be bought at Jocelyn’s in James Street, while the Homemade Fine foods desserts are on sale at Clayfield Fruit Market, IGA New Farm
and IGA Greenslopes.

So what about you dear readers? Have you come across any quick and easy buy-in meals that you would recommend?

By the way, I must also point out, I don’t own all of Dolores. If you look at the little protrusion just above the hoof on this pretend Dolores; I probably own that much of her. Or perhaps just an ear tip. 

I first met farmer ‘John’ a couple of years ago when I was in the country doing a story on the history of Queensland cheese industry (a story for another day). He is a smallholder; someone who is gradually turning a once overgrown and unloved few hectares into a sustainable and very much hands-on farm he hopes will one day entirely support him and his family. 

At around the same time, I started to have a problem with milk; specifically what was happening to it once it left the dairy. Generally, from talking to dairy farmers, this is the process as I understand it: firstly farmers get paid less for their milk with supermarkets setting a take-it-or-leave-it price. Once it’s picked up from the farm in tankers, the milk is taken to a factory where it is subjected to ultra-filtration. This separates the vitamins and minerals and lactose from the water and protein and is done to ‘standardise’ our milk so that it all tastes the same, no matter what the situation on different farms or the time of year (grass in different seasons will produce different fat content in milk as do the cows at different stages of their lactation cycle). The resulting standardised milk is sort of like the equivalent of cask wine as opposed to bottles from different vineyard that express the terroir.

At this stage, the processors can also choose what to put back in to create different speciality milks, such as low lactose or fat free milk. The milk is then homogenised (breaking down the fat into smaller globules so it doesn’t have a layer of cream) which is also necessary for the manufacture of dried milk. It’s also pasturised which means it’s heat treated to kill any bacteria. Often permeate, the by-product of the process above of separating the different elements is added back in too. 

 The composition of milk is governed by the Food Standards Australia New Zealand (FSANZ) Food Standards Code which allows manufacturers to add or withdraw ‘milk components’ to standardise the composition of milk. We don’t have a choice about what they do to our milk; a basic foodstuff and really these days it bears little resemblance to the natural product. Milk today has little flavour and to my palate, a weird slimy texture and a stale, garbage-y sort of smell. 

So I have done as many before me have and increasingly many are, and joined a herd share. 

For a small payment to Farmer John, I own part of the cow, and he can legally give me the raw milk from my cow. If he tried to sell it to me and was found out it he could be arrested. 

According to a website I’ve just read, by giving my family this unpasturised milk, I am putting myself and them at risk of : 

“diarrhea (sic), stomach cramping, and vomiting, kidney failure, paralysis, chronic disorders, and even death” as well as “life-threatening diseases, such as Guillain-Barré syndrome, which can cause paralysis, and hemolytic uremic syndrome, which can result in kidney failure and stroke.”

Really, it’s a wonder the human race didn’t die out in the days when people drank unpasturised, milk straight from the cow. 

Herd sharing is unfortunately a legal grey area and many farmers who participate worry that it’s a loophole that may soon come under further scrutiny. Thus the ‘raw milk deals’ are done with almost as much stealth as an undercover drug deal. It’s truly appalling that we have to go to these lengths for what should be a basic human right; the right to make our own choice; to weigh up the risk and decide for ourselves whether it’s worth it. Instead we are expected to thank the government for ‘protecting’ us while on the other hand, they allow food manufacturers to add all kinds of awful stuff to our food (and even worse, to food aimed directly at kids).

‘John’ has to come to the city every fortnight, so he kindly drops off my milk, like a real milkman of my childhood memory.  It’s in glass like recycled passata bottles rather than high-density polyethylene containers and there’s a big fat layer of cream on top. It tastes wonderful; even my former milk hating teenage son says so.  And while I don’t necessarily buy into the more outrageous ‘miracle cure’ health benefits propounded by some enthusiastic raw milk drinkers, I can’t help thinking that surely something that has been interfered with less is going to be better for me and my family. 

Thank you John and thank you Dolores.

“I’m looking at my options. Either I will either sell 40% to this company and branch out with them on the power of the brand or I’ll just sell it outright without the name and do something different-nothing has been decided yet.”

Boughenout was executive chef at Restaurant Scholteshof in Belgium when it was awarded 2 hats in 1995. The following year, he emigrated to Australia, settling in Sydney before relocating to Tasmania and the award winning Franklin Manor. In 2006 he moved to the Gold Coast and opened Absynthe.
Between 2007 and 2011, the restaurant was awarded two stars by Australian Gourmet Traveller, dropping to one star in the 2012 edition and failing to make the cut at all in the 2013 edition. It also missed the mark of 12 points out of 20 required to appear in the inaugural edition of the QLD Good Food Guide last year.

Since 2011, the restaurant has been selling dining vouchers through special deal websites such as groupon.com.au and scoopon.com.au and has been eliciting far less glowing reviews than it did in in its heyday on reviews sites such Urbanspoon. Boughenout has no truck with those complainants.

”We do have some of the most ignorant people coming. You should see some of the people we get and the questions they ask. There’s not much you can do, Gold Coast is full of them,“ he says ”and sites like Urbanspoon and Trip Advisor are completely out of our control. With 240,000 customers so far, you’re never going to please everybody, especially with a degustation menu. Some of them just don’t get it.”

The outspoken restaurateur also blamed the difficulty in getting experienced staff for the less positive reviews and a changing customer base due to a lack of money on the Gold Coast.

“The Gold Coast is economically broke. There’s nothing to sustain it but tourism. While few people are struggling to pay their bills we are on top of it. The bottom line is that Absynthe is free of debts and probably the most consistently booked out  restaurant down here.”

The Surfer’s Paradise restaurant, that according to the estate agent’s ad has been “Best Restaurant in QLD, 5 years in a row,” is priced at $650,000+.

IT looks like a regular café, with coffee, juice and plates of eggs and toast being ferried to tables of hungry diners, but it serves no grains, dairy, sugar or preservatives. Welcome to Paleo Café-believed to be the country’s first cafe dedicated to catering to the dietary needs of followers of the paleo diet.

In Cairn’s Grafton Street, the cafe opened three months ago. 

‘’The public reaction was amazing. We were run off our feet from the moment we opened the doors,’’ says owner Marlies Hobbs. “We have had customers with allergies literally in tears–so excited to be able to eat anything on the menu.’’

The paleo lifestyle, Hobbs says is about eating and living “as mother nature intended.’’ “That means eating a good variety of lean meat, seafood, eggs, fruit, vegetables, nuts, seeds and berries.’’

Hobbs, who was a lawyer until she became a café owner says she discovered the diet just over a year ago while researching food intolerance due to her baby son’s dairy allergy.

“Around the same time, my husband heard about paleo at his crossfit gym and we’ve been doing it ever since. The fact that it worked in with our son’s intolerance and how much sense it made once we read into it, inspired us to start. We haven’t look back since.’’

While they embraced the philosophy, the idea for a café serving only paleo food struck Hobbs in April last year. “We registered the business name the next day and opened October 2012,’’ she says.

As per the paleo prescription, the café serves food made without dairy, grains, sugars and preservatives. But it’s difficult to ascertain from a menu that features classic breakfast items such as eggs Benedict, pancakes and granola with coconut yoghurt or lunch dishes like dukkah-crusted fish with sweet potato chips, steak or salmon with lemon mayonnaise.

‘’Everything is fairly easy to find now though cheese is something you have to say goodbye to if you want to be strict paleo. There really is no substitute for that as far as I know’’, Hobbs says.

The café also sells a range of take home products, supplements and ready-made paleo meals.

It’s a concept Hobbs plans to take nationwide this year, with a franchise operation ready to roll out around June.

“We are already corresponding with over 16 different people from around Australia who are interested in opening a Paleo Café,’’ she says.

But what if it’s all just a fad-likely to fall out of favour when then next big thing comes along?

Hobbs responds with the enthusiasm of a true convert.

“The paleo lifestyle is not a fad. It is going back to eating the way our bodies were designed to eat. This is the way of the future in order to undo the damage done as a result of the modern day diet.  People are becoming more health conscious. They know something has to change. Paleo is the simple common sense answer to all of the problems.’’

Paleo Café Shop 15, 62 Grafton Street Cairns, 4041 3885

“At the last dinner, which we did for nine, the chefs bought in a whole roasted bone, and cut with a bone saw at the table to reveal the marrow, which was then mixed into a steak tartare,’’ Pugh says.

”It’s a fun night and a chance to get up close and personal with our chefs.’’

The (Sunday March 3) dinner of 5 courses includes drink matches, with wine and other beverages at a cost of $135 per person.

Incidentally, if you’re wondering why head chef Glenn Bowman’s name is not on the list, it’s because he’s leaving Two in the next few weeks, with Fury, an ex-apprentice of Pugh’s stepping up to take on the  position.

Restaurant Two, 2 Edward St, Brisbane 3210 0600

• Instant coffee/Decaf
• Herbs in a tube
• Pre-chopped vegetables in a packet
• Supermarket sausages
• ‘Lite’ anything
• Those ‘no fat’/no carb ‘noodles’
• Margarine
• Supermarket white bread
• Packet stock (with 2 exceptions)
• Cadbury chocolates
• Nutella
• Jars of tomato ‘sauce’ esp with dried herbs
• Tinned vegetables except bamboo shoots & water chestnuts
• Gluten free bread (with rare exceptions)
• Supermarket jam
• Crushed Garlic in a jar
• Tuna in spring water
• Bulk tins of olive oil

Anyway, the sea urchins, come from the beautiful clear waters of Tasmania, where they are picked by hand by divers up to around 30metres in depth.  Diver stay under for around four hours. Different species are in season at different times of the year- at the moment, they are harvesting Centros, which finish their season around June when they start to spawn. (The Centro’s or ‘purple’ sea urchins are considered the best) They are completely sustainable and of course, being hand harvested, there is no by-catch.  In fact, according to John Susman who runs a specialist seafood consultancy in Sydney, they’re almost considered a pest.

Sea urchin are highly valued by many different nationalities. In Japan they’re called Uni and considered an aphrodisiac. The Koreans love them and they are highly valued by the Maori culture as well and Greeks and are often served in pasta in Italy, particularly in the south and Sicily.

Fresh sea urchin have a very limited life- they are processed within a couple of hours of being harvest. They are frankly not the most attractive looking shellfish (but then which are?) but the taste,  like a buttery oyster, is not something you’ll quickly forget.

Murray Dalton at The Fishery in Milton, Brisbane can get hold of them if you’re interested in trying some. There’s some recipes here if you need some inspiration.  http://www.sea-urchins.com.au/pages/seafood-recipies

Why do you go out anyway? You’re going to order the most conservative thing on the menu (the one thing that is put on there especially for people like you- probably the chicken) then complain about the portion size and whinge about the bill. I doubt restaurateurs need your custom, because you’re not going to come back are you? Instead you’ll talk to your friends about how ripped off you were and how much better the Sunday buffet at the local RSL/Pub is for value.

Wanting to eat and pay for cheap food is no problem- I have lots of cheap eat faves, but I don’t expect the best quality and service at the lowest prices. The steak you get in your local pub is apples to oranges to what you’ll get in a CBD restaurant. (Yes there are, occasionally exceptions). It’s ludicrous to read some of the urbanspoon reviews by people who pay bottom dollar prices and expect high quality food. Food is expensive in Australia-from growing it to serving it. If you want to scrimp, you can eat your Vietnamese frozen prawns but please stop complaining about them not tasting ‘fresh’-of course for that price they will be frozen and not of the same quality as local prawns.

Am I a snob? It might sound like it, but eating out should be universal-everyone should be able to enjoy it,  even if due to budgetry restraints it’s a once in a while treat.

Just adjust your expectations, we live in a wealthy country with high overheads such as rent and labour costs. Our food is expensive and most restaurants don’t have the buying power to get the sort of bottom dollar deals supermarkets enforce on farmers. So you can choose to  1) eat cheap and cheerful and lower your expectations or 2) eat eat more upmarket and be prepared to pay for premium produce, staff and location.

Just stop expecting the price tag of number 1 with the results of number 2.

Why I’m writing about this now is that I’ve just come across the restaurant on Urbanspoon. The comments are uniformly negative, and possibly the lowest rank I’ve ever seen on the site. It makes me so sad (and angry) when I read them because I know that mostly the people who go there to dine now are ‘occasional’ /special occasion diners who don’t have a lot of money. They remember vaguely hearing about this place years ago, buy a voucher because it’s what they can afford, then go out for a special night with a loved one and have a horrible experience. That then becomes their experience of a ‘good restaurant’-paying good money for bad food and being treated with scorn. They’ll stay at home now; and they’ll talk about that ‘posh restaurant’ experience for the rest of their lives and assume that all ‘expensive’ restaurants are like that. (A view many, including my own father believe anyway). I so feel for them; the couples celebrating anniversaries, the first daters what they think will be a special night out; people who’ve saved up to treat themselves. And it makes me realise that for irregular and not so savvy  users of social media; there’s a huge lag- those good reviews and those glowing accolades from 2001 are around for a very long time. It’s important to do a bit more diving into the murky world of the internet. But in the meantime, I wonder if that restaurateur thinks about those people whose money he’s taking and how he’s spitting in the ethos of ‘hospitality’? 

For the same reason, in pizza places I’ll order the Margherita. I would love to order a Marinara but outside of Italy you’ll only ever get some abomination with rubbery calamari and prawns on it. A real Marinara (which is a pizza ‘of the fishermen’- the one they would have when they returned from sea and as you can imagine last thing they’d want to eat is seafood) is tomato, oregano, garlic and extra virgin olive oil, but they are as rare as hen’s teeth.

When I order Thai, my litmus test dish is Pad Thai. Again a very simple, street-food dish, but one dependent on good ingredients and a sure hand with seasoning.

Chinese it has to be Ma Po tofu. Is the tofu good quality, does it have enough heat?

French; steak frites and Bernaise sauce. There’s such an art to a good Bernaise.

Spanish-croquettas. When they’re bad they’re like some kind of fast food nugget, when they’re good they transport  you.

Vietnamese: Pho there’s deeply complex, layered pho and there’s ‘meat and veg soup’.

So what about you dear blog readers? Do you have litmus test dishes?